Flying Tomato Monster

A collection of the absolutely best funny, cool, witty quotes. With a funny name like ours, you know this website is not quite right.

Witty Quotes

witty quotes A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. -- Groucho Marx

cynical quotes Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute. -- Gil Stern

Witty Quotes

A witty saying A witty saying proves nothing." -- Voltaire

mean quotes Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

sarcastic quotes You have delighted us long enough. - Jane Austen

funny quotes Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your morning coffee. Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.

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